GO DADDY CEO KILLING ELEPHANTS LIKE A BOSS

Is GoDaddy.com's CEO Bob Parsons a hero, or is GoDaddy.com's CEO Bob Parsons a hero? I mean look at this guy's resume for one god damn second. When he's not putting out the sexiest Super Bowl commercials on the planet, he flies half way around the world to Zimbabwe to slaughter ruthless elephants stomping all recklessly through wheat fields like they own the place. Now I know this may make you all antsy in the pantsy, but please hold your applause until the end of this blog.
I can just feel the triumph pulsing through my veins as the muzzle's flare and the crop killers tumble. Bobby even says it himself that out of all the cool shit he does, killing elephants is the most rewarding. I knew it! I fucking knew it! I just always knew that curing cancer and performing heart transplants were for the birds. Not that I do either of those, but whenever I would fantasize about doing something for the greater good like reforming prostitutes into strippers I just always felt like something was lacking. That that just wasn't enough for me. But alas! I know how to fill that void, thanks to my new role model Bobby "Buckshot" Parsons.
Listen, Bob's the kind of guy that just cant sit back and watch injustices take place, he's a man of action for christ sake! The farmers were desperate and they tried to reason with the elephants. They flat out told the bastard, "listen guy, you really can't just stomp all over our wheat stalks and shit, it's killing our bottom line. I mean you can get the river bank on the other side of the plains, but just please bro, stay out of our fields..." And don't you fucking tell me, elephant, that you didn't hear their pleas, because you got ears for days you selfish son-of-a-bitch! So the farmers did what any desperate starving Africans would do, call up GoDaddy.Com, and boy did Bob Parsons deliver. But not only that, he straight up posted his triumph all over the internet! How about that for some fucking style points?
You wanna know how you stop farm destroying elphants from destroying farms? You kill one of them and then post the video on the internet to show all his other elephant compadres, laughing in the bush about to do the same thing, that when you mess with Bob Parsons you get straight up murked in the dead of night then fileted in the mother fucking town square in broad daylight in front of all your animal kingdom friends. That's just how he rolls. Period
So everyone around the world can sleep a little bit easier tonight knowing that there is one less evil villain lurking around the African plains...