HOW HAS NO ONE REALIZED THIS REPORTER IS AN ALIEN?

So if you haven't seen this video yet you're either an Amish or a Homeless. At this point though I bet even those technology shunners have seen this shit. I know it seems like I'm late as hell on the whole "Semi-smoke reporter blows it at the Grammy's" tip, but hold ya horses Tanto, because like Nas says "I'm never on schedule, but always on time". It's a good fucking thing too, because there is a god damn national...no fuck that...mother fucking global security threat, level 30 color infa-red type shit, right before our eyes and all anyone can talk about is how this bitch is a fraud and that she's really just a retard who's trying to cover shit up with tall tales of mythical strokes and migranes.

Fine, I'll bite, this broad is totally hiding some shit. And by some shit I mean some let's bomb Iraq over alleged WMD's type shit. Yeah that's right, some 1998 Rush Hour FBI G-14 Classified type shit. Like clearly this is bigger than some run of the mill human ailment. I mean first of all why would some semi-famous LA reporter pull a Billy Madison on national TV and have the opportunity to write it off as a stroke, a hands down legitamite no questions asked catastophe, but come out the next day and proclaim complete health? Then, only after a furry of vicious backlash does she come out and say that she struggles with 'migranes'? I DON'T BUY IT! NOT FOR ONE SECOND! Let's be real here, LA is all about the image. And this bitch having a bona-fide stroke on regional TV during the god damn Grammy's garners 600 times more sympathy than some ambigious ailment that can't even be proved such as migranes.

That being said, this broad is clearly an alien. I mean there's no if's, and's or but's about it. Listen, you couldn't plan that shit with the help of Vince Lombardi or write that shit with the help of Alan Sorkin. Jenna Jameson would have won a god damn Oscar with that performance, and she's a porn star that hasn't taken a cock since Clinton was in office. But guess what...it wasn't a performance mother fuckers. NO! That was a poor, low-grade, alien slave of some gravely misinformed extraterestial race that thought either A. Her local ABC affiliate news channel is important or B. The Grammy's are some sort of ultra-important political propoganda. Why else would they unleash the mother-load upon us at at such a time?

I mean clearly this bitch is Public Enemy Number One on the Men in Black's most wanted list. Like how this didn't cause mass panic on some 'the galaxy is on orion's belt' type shit is beyond me. Like how Will Smith didn't jump out from a jewelry store and attempt to Noisy Cricket her ass is a fucking mystery. The bottom line is this- no way does some random, LA wanna be fame slut, go 347% retard on national TV and NOT cover it up. Clearly, by the stroke rejection, her message was meant to be recieved by other fellow aliens as some sort of 'call to arms'. No self-respecting human being lets some shit like this go unjustified. PERIOD.

By the way...is it just me or does that fact that this broad's an alien shoot her straight up to the Number One Spot on the Bucket Fuck List? Like as a human being she's already a half decent older broad that I would easily smash without reason. But after knowing she's an alien? That's like G.O.A.T shit right there. Like if you thought banging a Spanish chick was hot because she said shit like 'papi', 'caliente', and 'mas rapiado', well what about jibberish like 'we had a very deris...derison by let's go ahe ajdhf akdfhu...'? I don't know about you, but dirty talk like that makes me bust a load quicker than Victoria Silvestdt Play-Mate of the Year.

Even though I have no fucking idea what verbal nonsense she diarrhead from her mouth or can I find a single person on Earth to translate for me, I know she meant business. Like when the molten fires of Hades are upon us and the time to atone for our mortal sins is here, banging the Gatekeeper has to count for something right? Right. I honestly don't care what you say because when the mortal harbinger of death appears I'll have the native tongue of my fuck piece memorized and chant 'but les ho terik tayson lo vit' and be safe as hell.

So to recap: Serene Branson is an alien and you're an idiot if you think she's just some run of the mill LA wannabe.