Hyberdating- The Friend Killer

If Seinfeld was still on the air there's no doubt the next episode would start off with Jerry on stage asking 'What's the deal with Hyberdating?'. Now if you have to ask what Hyberdating is then you're either an innocent virgin with no friends or an asshole who has given the old 'fuck ya self' to his buddies and has crawled up his girlfriends vagina. Okay, maybe I'm just a casuality of 'Hyberdating', which is why I'm familiar with its meaning, origin and result, so for the rest of you here it is:

Hyberdating (Highber-deyting)
- Noun
1. an unhealthy relationship in which a male or female cowers behind the demands of their partner.
2. a period of withdrawl or seclusion from a persons regular lifestlye and friends due to the requests of his or her boy/girl-friend.

Basically, Hyberdating is what happens when that one whipped friend we all have gives up on their own life and succumbs to the extremely low self-confidence of whomever they are dating. That being said, let's face it people, we've all been there at one point or another, because a short period of Hyberdating is normal. Not only is it normal but it's down right American. It's as American as apple pie and free blow jobs. Anyone who has ever gotten the sex has gone through the initial stage or hyberdating when you've found that special some one and lost yourself in the blissful state of fuck and blocked off the entire outside world because let's face it; they're not fucking you. But after the whimsical glamour of the sexy sex wears off and you realize whomever is fucking you will continue to fuck you despite the interaction of other human beings, you slowly begin to treat that person like shit while you search for your next conquest. Even the alien race of married people get over the Hyberdating period when the wet sex turns into dry hand jobs and a 9am tee-time is the equivalent of a back door Tiajuana Tug Job.

But like I said, that's fucking normal. What's not normal is when those hammers that start off like 'oh she's just some bitch im stuffing' turn into 'oh sorry, I can't make your birthday party because Stacey has work early tomorrow', then finish their Bud heavy, slide under the covers, spoon, and not have sex. Listen, I'm all for the relationship and finding that member of the opposite or same sex that completes you and makes you want to get wierd and shit, but when you slip into that social coma and hide your porridge from Goldilocks you've clearly crossed the line.

Hyberdating is the death of social gatherings. The death of friendly shitshows and bad decisions. Basically it's the death of comdey. I mean isn't shit only funny if you have friends to share it with and someone your sleeping with to hide it from? The non-single, fun loving, independant person is an endangered species and it's up to every single on of us to stop this disaster. What can we do, you ask. Well we need to stop enabling those hyberdating hammers and tell them it's time to grow the fuck up. Tell them that a drunken night out with their friends is more important than snuggling on the couch watching Cupcake Wars.

The person you were before you met your enslaver was formed by the people you surrounded yourself with and the situations you all got your self into. So re-grow your balls and tell your slavemaster you need to retain your old lifestyle in order to remain the person they fell in love with. If they can't accept that then thier either friendless losers or you're an ex-pedofile.